Joshua Townsend

Apparently the cops in Lebanon, PA need some help this time.  Apparently, “they have no idea why [the man] was in the toilet with his clothes off.”  Maybe I can help.  Here’s some idears to get them started.

1.) He was hot as balls.  I mean, it was really hot up there in PA this weekend.  As a mud bath is to a pig, so is a poo-plunge to a man.  Keeping poo from the skin with a layer of clothing only defeats the cooling effect.

2.) He was drunk.  Everyone knows that drunks crave comfort.  I am always more comfortable without clothes, especially when I am hot.  And drunk.

3.) Poo-ing with clothes on is bothersome.  I have never been able to poo when clothed – I just can’t get comfortable.  That is why I poo nowhere but my own house – an affliction that makes road trips, visits to the grandparent’s house, and work so very difficult for me.  This poor fella must have suffered from the same condition.  I suspect that the devil-water gave him the confidence needed to poo in a place other than his own home.  Porta-potties have always lacked hooks to hand your trousers when you poo, and who wants to put them on the nasty sticky floor?  He probably just sat them on the bench and knocked them into the pit as he contortioned his body to reach a poorly placed roll of T.P. 

And when you are hot and drunk and needing to get your pants before anybody realizes that you can’t poo while clothed the only reasonable thing to do is go in and get em.  Comeon folks – We’ve all been there.  Let’s not spend too long noodling through this pot of soup.

Bonus feature:  How I Help

From time to time I like to offer insight into how it is that I came to know things.  Today’s hint: Draw on past experience.